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MOANFACE: Tits, biceps and tan: modern gender identity and why we’re all f*cked

Sat in a bar, on New Year’s Eve, I felt ashamed to be a human being. It’s about -2 degrees in the middle of the night and what a sight…

Girls with their tits up to the moon and very on show with body wrap dresses leaving nothing to the imagination with hems down down to just below their pubic line.

I was disgusted to see, on sitting down, that one or two weren’t wearing knickers; “full tit and minge” as Patsy Stone would refer to it. 

Faces caked with the infamously bullet proof Estée Lauder Double Wear foundation; eyebrows, or at least something that resembles eyebrows, drawn on at random as if a child playing pin the tail on the donkey.

Finally 9 pairs of lashes caked in mascara and thick, MAC eye shadow smeared on like warfare camouflage.

Yes it’s easy to judge the girls yet the boys were no better, working on only their biceps and chest with misshapen shoulders and weird looking legs with no flexibility; holding themselves like they’d shit their pants.

All wearing jeans around their arses and super tight t-shirts, again in -2 degree weather. Mirrored are the strange eyebrows as well as the same quaffed hair with shaved parting line. They’re worse to an extent as their behaviour is like a gang of monkeys, stopping short, only just, at throwing their poo at each other. 

They talk with affected voices that are pushed 6 octaves below what’s natural and refer to everyone as ‘lad’, ‘mate’ or ‘fella’. 

Total and complete pseudo masculinity. A 16 year old called me laddy a few months back and I almost kneecapped him.

Who’s fault is it?

I sometimes sit and wonder if myself and others in our industry are to blame, are we the cause of this? Shoving skinny perfect women with photoshopped boobs and hunky 6-pack rippling men down people’s throats; shunning anything that don’t meet strict and unreasonable expectations.

In times gone by, women stayed at home or were secretaries, teachers etc and had very few job prospects. 

Thankfully this has now changed and although some would disagree, women are as free and equal as ever, particularly in the UK where the pay scale has balanced off nicely. But this seems to have resulted in a loss of femininity and by that I don’t mean subservience, I mean gender identity; it’s no longer pre-defined from birth.

The problem is that men are also out of place and have lost all sense of identity and what was always considered ‘masculinity’. No longer hunter gatherers, but simply the same as everyone else. 

At the same time, and correct me if I’m wrong, but a woman still wants a man, not a little boy, a real man that’s confident, successful and self-contented whilst a man often still wants a woman who is often not dominant over him, allowing him to be ‘in-charge’ to a certain extent, whilst possessing feminine wiles, whatever they are…

So what I witnessed on New Years was some kind of fucking weird pantomime where the boys are pretending to be men and the women pretending to be desirable damsels, tottering drunk down the road in distress.

In clubs and bars they were all so self conscious behind their respective masks that they all kind of just stood there, not really saying or doing much.

By the way gender identity in the male gay-world is so much worse than this with jabbering queens and narcissistic muscle queens but I’ll save that for another time. That’s a box of glittery shit best kept closed for now.

The man behind the mask

These self-imposed ‘gender masks’ come in two gender forms and seem to be quite literal and lacking in any subtlety whatsoever.

Most brand’s best selling foundations, 99% of the time, are the ultra-thick coverage shades blanking out any tone, shade, texture or contour, for it then to be painted on with highlights and lowlights. 

Then with men it’s beards *sighs*. They all look the same and you could stand a few dozen of ’em in a room and I wouldn’t be able to remember a single one yet my social conditioning lead me to believe they’re sexy.

Even those guys (and girls) who claim to be ‘individuals’ are just following predefined trends – they’re often actually the worst as they’re delusional liars at best.

Then even to briefly bring it back to blogging for a mo’. When you look at other beauty blogs etc, they’re all the same, all usually beautiful, but the same.

Photos of a product on a white surface in front of an out of focus Jo Malone candle and vogue issues.

Men’s fashion blogs are usually the same too, a twink with a beard in a suit with some Tom Ford glasses sat on an abandoned stairwell looking to the right trying to appear all windswept and interesting.

At least I try to be honest, I know I’m a twat in a headband and concealer.

So why are people so scared to stand out?

Social media was and often continues to be an excellent communication tool, but it seems to have watered down social differentiation and individuality.

People see others getting ‘likes’ and ‘favourites’ and follows so replicate their styles, ideas and beliefs to gain the same gratification.

We live in an instant gratification society and by God, I know I can fall victim to that. PLEASE LIKE ME!

People also say the same things.

The same platitudes and falseness pretending what a wholesome lovely Kath Kidston-esque twat in a tea-cosy they are whilst simultaneously seeming to get off being outraged at something and my god, people do love being outraged these days.

As a side-note, just because someone is offended, it doesn’t mean they’re right! People think some sort of vague and warped moralistic high ground makes them better people – “you’re horrible which makes me wonderful”.

So what have we learnt about he ‘modern generation’? 

We’re needy whilst simultaneously narcissistic, we’re culturally ignorant and uneducated whilst being morally outraged over things we know nothing about or understand. All we want is to be loved by everyone, all the time, else we’ll shrivel up and die.

Blame is the name of the game

Then who’s fault is all this? Mr. Immigrant McHookbomb? Mrs. Thieving Polski? The corrupt ‘government’? Oh, how about the poor and perpetually unemployed who are often so let down by a terrible education and social work system that they reeaally can’t stand up for themselves; let’s kick them a bit, shall we?

Actually let’s stick them all on telly, get them to say whatever we want by dangling cash on a stick in front of them, call it a documentary then sneer, jibe, laugh, taunt and judge them.

I imagine Channel 4 already have ‘Poor Unemployed Muslim Polish Immigrant Single Mother Street’ in production; you can almost hear the Daily Mail rubbing themselves up against the furniture in lamenting glee – all we need is Princess Diana to be resurrected and they’ll make a right mess all over the place!

These and other disgusting, vile, outrageous and frankly unforgivable scape-goat stereotypes are used every day in the public media. Why? Because instead of addressing our own issues, we love to blame someone else; that sells papers — “I’m a dick head because of them *points*. It’s their fault!”

Well actually I’m a dick head because of my own doing. It’s my responsibility. I am the maker of my own dick headedness and no one else can or should be blamed for my truly awesome dick headity.

Rubber Chickens and the Nazi Party

The bigger problem we face, and I’m sorry to get a little political, is the continual torrent of jabbering, rubber-necked pricks like Nigel Farage et al, who step in at times such as these and tell us that it’s not our fault and that it’s all ‘their’ fault *points to the immigrants/unemployed*. “Boo to the minorities!”

They tell us what we want to hear and that we’ll be fine just the way we are, metaphorically tickling that lovely warm bit just between your bum and your bits.

As soon as they’re in power however, they inevitably screw us over and look only after themselves and their mates whilst continuing to persecute and blame those without a voice. A bit like, erm, oh what was his name again? Ah yes – Hitler!

If we don’t seek to change our thinking, understanding and passivity of our own issues then we’re doomed to failure, no seriously – fucked! Stop looking to outdated stereotypes of self-image and judging self-worth from Facebook. It’s time for change…

Now let me take a selfie!

Feature photo source: http://www.dailyrecord.co.uk/news/uk-world-news/pictures-boozy-brits-welcome-2015-4902085

Comments
Harvey Specter
Posted at 17:06 February 5, 2015
Beena
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Author

This post made me want to subscribe you :) I’m so happy someone put it out there…. even in the blogging community, I’m seeing clones!

Harvey Specter
Posted at 16:06 February 5, 2015
Bnii
Reply
Author

This post made me want to subscribe you :) I’m so happy someone put it out there…. even in the blogging community, I’m seeing clones!

Harvey Specter
Posted at 11:57 January 19, 2015
Alison Harriman
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Author

Going commando on a night out? I thought that went out with the Studio 54 era. Yes I am that old.

But seriously, you seem to be upset by the concept of human identikits i.e.: everyone trying to look like a bad imitation of the latest fashion mag cover or It-Girl/Guy. Like high school; everyone wants to hang with the Cool Kids. But thats been going on forever and I don’t see it changing any time soon. I think it has something to do with the fact that it seems (to me) to take people a lot longer to grow up and know who they are as individuals.

One of the few advantages of getting older is (usually) not caring about that any more. Women become increasingly marginalized as our fertile years evaporate. You’ve no idea who liberating that can be, so the joke is on Society with that one. And the men I know who are over 40 are more concerned about whether or not they will ever be able to afford to retire. They frankly couldn’t give a shit about facial hair or what style of trouser leg is currently in.

Regarding your rant about a) corrupt politicians – vote for the least reprehensible ass clown and b) Channel 4 – turn the tv off and go for a walk. That’s what me and my Zimmer frame are off to do.

Ali x

Harvey Specter
Posted at 10:57 January 19, 2015
Alison Harriman
Reply
Author

Going commando on a night out? I thought that went out with the Studio 54 era. Yes I am that old.

But seriously, you seem to be upset by the concept of human identikits i.e.: everyone trying to look like a bad imitation of the latest fashion mag cover or It-Girl/Guy. Like high school; everyone wants to hang with the Cool Kids. But thats been going on forever and I don’t see it changing any time soon. I think it has something to do with the fact that it seems (to me) to take people a lot longer to grow up and know who they are as individuals.

One of the few advantages of getting older is (usually) not caring about that any more. Women become increasingly marginalized as our fertile years evaporate. You’ve no idea who liberating that can be, so the joke is on Society with that one. And the men I know who are over 40 are more concerned about whether or not they will ever be able to afford to retire. They frankly couldn’t give a shit about facial hair or what style of trouser leg is currently in.

Regarding your rant about a) corrupt politicians – vote for the least reprehensible ass clown and b) Channel 4 – turn the tv off and go for a walk. That’s what me and my Zimmer frame are off to do.

Ali x

Harvey Specter
Posted at 17:57 January 12, 2015
Freddie
Reply
Author

Great article! I’m German, but have spent my whole life moving countries every few years; the past 7 years I’ve spent in the UK (first undergrad in Aberdeen, now work in London). While there are countless things I love about Britain, I have to admit that I’ve never witnessed scenes at night as I do here – or did in Scotland. No one wears clothes! The girls are orange! Once, I swear this is true, I witnessed someone crapping on the street in Aberdeen, it was… unusual.

Most of what you wrote about transcends cultures, but the going out / drinking / acting out of control things seems to be exacerbated in the UK, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why.

Harvey Specter
Posted at 16:57 January 12, 2015
Freddie
Reply
Author

Great article! I’m German, but have spent my whole life moving countries every few years; the past 7 years I’ve spent in the UK (first undergrad in Aberdeen, now work in London). While there are countless things I love about Britain, I have to admit that I’ve never witnessed scenes at night as I do here – or did in Scotland. No one wears clothes! The girls are orange! Once, I swear this is true, I witnessed someone crapping on the street in Aberdeen, it was… unusual.

Most of what you wrote about transcends cultures, but the going out / drinking / acting out of control things seems to be exacerbated in the UK, and for the life of me I can’t figure out why.

Harvey Specter
Posted at 17:17 January 9, 2015
Josh @ The Kentucky Gent
Reply
Author

Couldn’t agree more, and I was having this conversation over dinner with friends a few nights back. It’s the same for guys as it is girls now, especially in the gay community. All the ads, grindr profiles, and the like we see feature guys with rippling abs and perfect chests, even the same in porn (sorry to take it there, but it’s true with both sexes and all sexualities). We all aspire to be what we see in the media, and forget to be ourselves. It’s a hard, constant struggle for sure.

Harvey Specter
Posted at 16:17 January 9, 2015
The Kentucky Gent
Reply
Author

Couldn’t agree more, and I was having this conversation over dinner with friends a few nights back. It’s the same for guys as it is girls now, especially in the gay community. All the ads, grindr profiles, and the like we see feature guys with rippling abs and perfect chests, even the same in porn (sorry to take it there, but it’s true with both sexes and all sexualities). We all aspire to be what we see in the media, and forget to be ourselves. It’s a hard, constant struggle for sure.

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